Faceless Friends

[thelurker66]

I don't know why but this has made me cry (and yes I feel pathetic saying that..my view)
It's taking me a while to write as a result.
I literally burst into tears...probably because know u are right. My self-esteem is in it's boots and I guess I hide behind joking and trying to be funny to mask it. (As many of us probably do)
I think..for me.. it's a self-protection mechanism I do...i think I do it a lot off group in my life. Like I will say what i think everyone may be thinking so I'm agreeing or owning it..if that makes sense!
I also think because of A's toxic traits...I and prob others are worried they will come across like her so over explain and apologise.
I've been this way for a long time...from my childhood and everything that happened from trauma and the most un-maternal mother! Then staying in that marriage for 20 years..then healing fir 5 years but then ending up in another toxic relationship is just ridiculous. I'm torn tbh cuz I am realising what the last 2 years have done to me but on the other hand i miss him...which is ridiculous. In a shallow way...i miss the affection and closeness that was there some of the time.
Today..thinking I cudnt get back on group and catastrophising and over reacting...completely threw me. I guess I need the group and you all more than i realised (sobbing again)
The connections made, mutual support and care goes beyond my hate for A.
I guess I need to be liked and accepted more than I realised.
Many would relate to this..but it makes you think..why am I not enough for people to like/love for who I am. To betray...get taken advantage of or wanted for the wrong reasons.
I am def a little do up and I'm very aware of my demons but I am a very genuine, honest and caring person naturally and anyone that knows me would agree. My mouth gets me in trouble sometimes. It just leaves u vulnerable I guess.
All that fing therapy and u are back to square 1. Like what is the thought..the fear...emotion..evidence for feeling that etc etc.. I find it very difficult 'in the moment' to get clarity.
My daughter does a lot for me in a practical sense and loves me in her own way I think.. but can be very critical and brutal and it hurts. She knows I have her back and always has but she is not one for kind words or cuddles. Not sure why. Birthdays and Xmas cards bring me to tears what she says in them (nice things) but she can't articulate them like I can.
I also think he (partner) isolated me from a lot of people so I cud give him everything all the time and now I feel alone. I have sone amazing work colleagues/friends of varying ages and they are so supportive and emotionally mature but u just don't want to be a burden. I am always there for all of them too..whether it's advice, a hug, check in messages or examinations lol.
Telling an overthinker not to overthink is never gonna work as u know yourself.
I appreciate your lot and for this message.
It had an instant emotional/physical reaction which I think was the release I probably needed.
I promise everything I say is the truth and from the heart and you are completely right about talking daily for months. We are all anonymous but most of us can seek out the good hearted genuine people on here.
I don't think I have used the word sorry in this rambling message but I have been a pain..panicking and over reacting etc today and i need to own my s.
Anyway...thank you. It really does mean a lot. I've given myself the predictable headache from getting upset but I prob needed a good cry. I have been doing a lot better with regards to him and no contact as the triggers have reduced.
Thank you xxx

Yes - you are saying the insults, the jokes and stuff like that about yourself because you are fearful that’s what others are thinking or are going to say to you think if you get there first, it won’t hurt as much when or if it happens, you are protecting yourself in the only way you know how, but I promise you that you are none of those things and I know all of us on here aren’t thinking any of those thing either - I know I can only really speak for myself but like you say you get to know these anonymous people, you pick up their vibes and their personality.
And with your daughter, one thing I had to learn in life I still struggle to this day is “stop looking for you in other people” the moral to that is, people are good at different things you are good at showing emotion and love and care whereas she is more able to by physically helping rather than showing affection with words, hugs etc. doesn’t mean she loves you any less, just that she shows it differently to what you would.
And it isn’t therapy down the drain, that therapy helped you get out this time you spotted the signs and you left, your last experience lasted way longer whereas this one is hardly any time at all when you compare the two.
You will get there nosey, just be kind to yourself, take a breath.
And it’s good that you find comfort here, I hope we can continue to be that for you.
All of us panicked when we first couldn’t post and found it hard to then adjust you are not alone on that, you just joined after we’d all calmed down, we had the exact same reaction as you.
I’m sorry I made you cry but I know it wasn’t a hurt cry. I think it was just a release that you needed.
I’m sorry if I’ve missed parts, I tried my best I did read every single word and I know telling an over thinker not to overthink doesn’t stop it, I’m an over-thinker also so sorry about that part I could have worded that better, I just don’t want you to beat yourself up with thoughts that none of us are thinking
Hugs nosey

 

[noseyneighbour]

I’m getting so confused with finding everything now it’s all changed
Just off to the vets and hubby might have to go to emergency dentist as he’s been up all night with toothache. Tbh if it’s in Manchester he won’t go that far and if that’s the case he better shut up moaning about toothache.
Can I confirm by 12pm that I can meet you but it is 90% I am coming babe xxx

Is your dog OK Jo? xx

 

[noseyneighbour]

Yes - you are saying the insults, the jokes and stuff like that about yourself because you are fearful that’s what others are thinking or are going to say to you think if you get there first, it won’t hurt as much when or if it happens, you are protecting yourself in the only way you know how, but I promise you that you are none of those things and I know all of us on here aren’t thinking any of those thing either - I know I can only really speak for myself but like you say you get to know these anonymous people, you pick up their vibes and their personality.
And with your daughter, one thing I had to learn in life I still struggle to this day is “stop looking for you in other people” the moral to that is, people are good at different things you are good at showing emotion and love and care whereas she is more able to by physically helping rather than showing affection with words, hugs etc. doesn’t mean she loves you any less, just that she shows it differently to what you would.
And it isn’t therapy down the drain, that therapy helped you get out this time you spotted the signs and you left, your last experience lasted way longer whereas this one is hardly any time at all when you compare the two.
You will get there nosey, just be kind to yourself, take a breath.
And it’s good that you find comfort here, I hope we can continue to be that for you.
All of us panicked when we first couldn’t post and found it hard to then adjust you are not alone on that, you just joined after we’d all calmed down, we had the exact same reaction as you.
I’m sorry I made you cry but I know it wasn’t a hurt cry. I think it was just a release that you needed.
I’m sorry if I’ve missed parts, I tried my best I did read every single word and I know telling an over thinker not to overthink doesn’t stop it, I’m an over-thinker also so sorry about that part I could have worded that better, I just don’t want you to beat yourself up with thoughts that none of us are thinking
Hugs nosey

Well i wrote a lot! Now you are saying sorry... u don't need to because it wasn't a negative sob if that makes sense and I needed it and the pep talk.
I think that made sense what you said about "Stopping looking for yourself in other people" Very useful reminder. My therapist talked about expectations of others and core beliefs amd values etc and how you will not necessarily get the same from people.
I def understand what u mean about instincts and vibes with others. I think like minded people always find each other and naturally bond.
It's not about wording the overthinking wrongly...I kind of meant it tongue in cheek as it's something ppl often say "stop worrying etc"
I could easily find myself saying back to u or someone else as I may not be in that emotional/reactive/hyper vigilant state so sitting on the outside of the situation so please don't feel u need to apologise.

Thanks again and hugs back. xx

 

[RainbowBright]

Well i wrote a lot! Now you are saying sorry... u don't need to because it wasn't a negative sob if that makes sense and I needed it and the pep talk.
I think that made sense what you said about "Stopping looking for yourself in other people" Very useful reminder. My therapist talked about expectations of others and core beliefs amd values etc and how you will not necessarily get the same from people.
I def understand what u mean about instincts and vibes with others. I think like minded people always find each other and naturally bond.
It's not about wording the overthinking wrongly...I kind of meant it tongue in cheek as it's something ppl often say "stop worrying etc"
I could easily find myself saying back to u or someone else as I may not be in that emotional/reactive/hyper vigilant state so sitting on the outside of the situation so please don't feel u need to apologise.

Thanks again and hugs back. xx

Sending you so much love nosey! We’ve got you my love!! Xx

 

[Deleted member 3431]

@noseyneighbour can I give you a big virtual hug? What you have wrote is similar to me and my past. It's hard, but you can work on yourself to be in a better place .

I refused therapy and counselling for a very long time. I have now found a weekly group local to me that I can attend to talk as much or as little as I like. When I don't go for a few weeks (ie if it's half term) I start to become over anxious/anxiety raging etc. The old saying "it's good to talk" is true. It took alot of digging and word of mouth to find the group I go to, but I wouldn't be without it now.

I'm just wondering if there was something like my group in your area? I like groups rather than 1 on 1 as you can day as little or as much as you want. I have come to realise it really does help.

If not, talking on here is also good, just remember you are never alone xxx

 

[noseyneighbour]

Sending you so much love nosey! We’ve got you my love!! Xx

Thank you xx

 

[noseyneighbour]

I give you a big virtual hug? What you have wrote is similar to me and my past. It's hard, but you can work on yourself to be in a better place .

I refused therapy and counselling for a very long time. I have now found a weekly group local to me that I can attend to talk as much or as little as I like. When I don't go for a few weeks (ie if it's half term) I start to become over anxious/anxiety raging etc. The old saying "it's good to talk" is true. It took alot of digging and word of mouth to find the group I go to, but I wouldn't be without it now.

I'm just wondering if there was something like my group in your area? I like groups rather than 1 on 1 as you can day as little or as much as you want. I have come to realise it really does help.

If not, talking on here is also good, just remember you are never alone xxx

I will always take a hug anf give one
I'm sorry to hear you have a past similar to mine. I don't think it ever leaves you and u feel u may have been a different person than u became (the troublesome parts)
That sounds really good. I'm glad it works for you. I actually just remembered that when I finished some 'specialist therapy' there was the option of a group I could join. If u remember rightly I think my working hours were not a good fit at the time. I may contact them again and ask so thanks for reminding me. I think another reason that I'm cautious about group things is that due to my occupation...I may come across many people who know me and that would be difficult, not because they were there but because I was there if that makes sense.

Thanks for your message. I really am here for you and everyone else who may need me. I don't want people to not approach me for advice or support because of my woes. It's a 2 way thing this forum. xx

 

[noseyneighbour]

Hey everyone, not got all blood results back yet as waiting on TROP T levels. They think the new chemo drug has caused this and the reason they took them to Whiston is because the cancer specialist is based there. H/R is fluctuating between 133-160, Sats are 64% and B/P sky high too.
I can’t say who the relative is because it would give away who I am but they have just signed a DNR as advised it would be detrimental to them and would have no life with the damage it would cause. They weigh 40kg and literally just skin over bones
Tbh relative is saying they will discharge themselves and if they are going to pass they want to be at home

So sorry to hear this Jo Love and hugs to u and your family. xx

 

[Deleted member 3431]

You know what really annoys me, the other posters on TL. I read many threads on TL, all different kinds of influences/celebs and even so normal threads about work and life etc. However, I'm going to stop reading Aimess thread over there, well their side thread like this one.

Slagging us off for even trying to reach out to people via TT, yes I know it's a risk but if we are connecting on burner accounts with no personal details then how different is it to here? If someone starts to bombard me on TT or anything I just use the block function! Then one if them says they would connect with other TL members if they all had burner IG accounts....well how is that any different? I'm not stupid enough to put personal details into these kind of sites, my user details here are all fake, not my birthday or location. Same on Tattle, MSE money forum, mumsnet and several hobby forums I'm on....all fake information.

I think it's more then case of we can only read and not reply there where they can read and reply if they wanted to here. Though none of them swore they would ever be back here!!

Anyway rant over. I think I will just unwatch that thread and Aimees thread now, I'm happy here and just use TL for the other threads im part of.

 

[thelurker66]

You know what really annoys me, the other posters on TL. I read many threads on TL, all different kinds of influences/celebs and even so normal threads about work and life etc. However, I'm going to stop reading Aimess thread over there, well their side thread like this one.

Slagging us off for even trying to reach out to people via TT, yes I know it's a risk but if we are connecting on burner accounts with no personal details then how different is it to here? If someone starts to bombard me on TT or anything I just use the block function! Then one if them says they would connect with other TL members if they all had burner IG accounts....well how is that any different? I'm not stupid enough to put personal details into these kind of sites, my user details here are all fake, not my birthday or location. Same on Tattle, MSE money forum, mumsnet and several hobby forums I'm on....all fake information.

I think it's more then case of we can only read and not reply there where they can read and reply if they wanted to here. Though none of them swore they would ever be back here!!

Anyway rant over. I think I will just unwatch that thread and Aimees thread now, I'm happy here and just use TL for the other threads im part of.

Not to defend them because they can be cruel at times but they are right in some things they’re saying, not all the accounts being shared are burners it has been openly stated on our thread that in some cases people have used their real accounts.
That’s the issue, it’s risky but it is ultimately the users decision but the whole point in sites like this and even on TL is to be anonymous.
Also, I have seen some users on here make TikTok’s in their comment cafe usernames.
Which I think is better than giving away your real accounts and identities.
And they are right to say the huns are strange and will hunt you down given the chance, even vavron has been known to phone peoples places of work, it’s just a game I personally wouldn’t play.

 

[RainbowBright]

You know what really annoys me, the other posters on TL. I read many threads on TL, all different kinds of influences/celebs and even so normal threads about work and life etc. However, I'm going to stop reading Aimess thread over there, well their side thread like this one.

Slagging us off for even trying to reach out to people via TT, yes I know it's a risk but if we are connecting on burner accounts with no personal details then how different is it to here? If someone starts to bombard me on TT or anything I just use the block function! Then one if them says they would connect with other TL members if they all had burner IG accounts....well how is that any different? I'm not stupid enough to put personal details into these kind of sites, my user details here are all fake, not my birthday or location. Same on Tattle, MSE money forum, mumsnet and several hobby forums I'm on....all fake information.

I think it's more then case of we can only read and not reply there where they can read and reply if they wanted to here. Though none of them swore they would ever be back here!!

Anyway rant over. I think I will just unwatch that thread and Aimees thread now, I'm happy here and just use TL for the other threads im part of.

What are they saying Brewtime? I can’t see it? They seem to really not like @itsmedvlajo that’s for sure!

 

[Standupifyouhateaimee]

@Muggle can you do tomorrow at all babe as just had a call about our relative being rushed to hospital with another suspected heart attack They have taken them to whiston hospital for some reason too
On route to the hospital now as been told we have to go in. Only found out last night the cancer has spread even more in the liver

Also think me and hubby are going to have to cancel Barcelona which I’m not bothered about because family always come first. Don’t even care if insurance don’t pay out either for it.
I’m gutted about today and will update you all later xxxxx

Oh no sending lots of love xxx

Hey everyone, not got all blood results back yet as waiting on TROP T levels. They think the new chemo drug has caused this and the reason they took them to Whiston is because the cancer specialist is based there. H/R is fluctuating between 133-160, Sats are 64% and B/P sky high too.
I can’t say who the relative is because it would give away who I am but they have just signed a DNR as advised it would be detrimental to them and would have no life with the damage it would cause. They weigh 40kg and literally just skin over bones
Tbh relative is saying they will discharge themselves and if they are going to pass they want to be at home

Sending you lots of love

 

[Standupifyouhateaimee]

Well i wrote a lot! Now you are saying sorry... u don't need to because it wasn't a negative sob if that makes sense and I needed it and the pep talk.
I think that made sense what you said about "Stopping looking for yourself in other people" Very useful reminder. My therapist talked about expectations of others and core beliefs amd values etc and how you will not necessarily get the same from people.
I def understand what u mean about instincts and vibes with others. I think like minded people always find each other and naturally bond.
It's not about wording the overthinking wrongly...I kind of meant it tongue in cheek as it's something ppl often say "stop worrying etc"
I could easily find myself saying back to u or someone else as I may not be in that emotional/reactive/hyper vigilant state so sitting on the outside of the situation so please don't feel u need to apologise.

Thanks again and hugs back. xx

@noseyneighbour I am only catching up with this thread now and reading how you are feeling has made me sad. It is 3am and my eyes have gone (not to to back of me ead! ) as in blurry so I am going to reply properly tomorrow and try and get me some sleep for work in a few hours
But sending you a massive big virtue hug and loads of love xxx

 

[Standupifyouhateaimee]

For you @noseyneighbour

 

[noseyneighbour]

@noseyneighbour I am only catching up with this thread now and reading how you are feeling has made me sad. It is 3am and my eyes have gone (not to to back of me ead! ) as in blurry so I am going to reply properly tomorrow and try and get me some sleep for work in a few hours
But sending you a massive big virtue hug and loads of love xxx

Thanks twinnie I think I'm tired as I'm working same time and tried to reply by typing on the keyboard! xx

 

[Standupifyouhateaimee]

Thanks twinnie I think I'm tired as I'm working same time and tried to reply by typing on the keyboard! xx

I stayed up until 8 had a nightmare night, came up in rashes all over and so itchy. Now I have huge lumps that have appeared on my forehead it's horrendous, I look like I had the big fight Saturday!! Waiting to hear from GP but had to call in sick for work. Need to get sorted before Sunday !!
How are you feeling today ? Better and less tired I hope ? Xxx

Ps Aimee is still a t

 

[noseyneighbour]

I stayed up until 8 had a nightmare night, came up in rashes all over and so itchy. Now I have huge lumps that have appeared on my forehead it's horrendous, I look like I had the big fight Saturday!! Waiting to hear from GP but had to call in sick for work. Need to get sorted before Sunday !!
How are you feeling today ? Better and less tired I hope ? Xxx

Ps Aimee is still a t

Oh no.. sounds like urticaria hives? Did u get anything sorted from the GP and did u take an antihistamine?

I'm still tired tbh and had a bit of a manic day with work and a nail appointment. Then out dropping off vinted parcels with my daughter. (2 diff drop offs!)
Then sorted an easy dinner and now getting ready for work again tomorrow and kind of catching up on here...well notifications anyway then the rest in bed lol. xx

She def is a t!

 

[Standupifyouhateaimee]

Oh no.. sounds like urticaria hives? Did u get anything sorted from the GP and did u take an antihistamine?

I'm still tired tbh and had a bit of a manic day with work and a nail appointment. Then out dropping off vinted parcels with my daughter. (2 diff drop offs!)
Then sorted an easy dinner and now getting ready for work again tomorrow and kind of catching up on here...well notifications anyway then the rest in bed lol. xx

She def is a t!

I know twinnie I've been literally scratching until some have bled taken some piriton which has eased it a bit. Mostly pissed off with all the sores, lumps and bumps ahead of my holiday...most unattractive 🫤 gp call tomorrow or Wednesday
Anyway, sounds like you've had another busy day so no wonder you are still tired. I echo what lurkey said Also I know over thinking is definitely up there with one of the worse head fs. I often get myself upset when I don't get a response from someone, which is not the same as what I would of gave them myself. And with your daughter, my son can be exactly like that and I even question if he even likes me 🫤 but of course he does (hopefully!) but he is just different to me and not the same I always show affection to him as I didn't grow up with any but you'd think it was him that had my upbringing the way he is
I also understand why you would miss the ex even though it was your call. If he and your previous relationships have knocked your confidence it's hard and you start to Believe it. I also try and use humor to mask hurt. But they do say smile and the world smiles with you (crock of s ) no but seriously you are (in my opinion) kind, caring, funny, loyal, hard working and beautiful now I know people might say, how do you know that ....you can just tell and you are worth a million and don't settle for anything, so miss him, mourn him but you've done the hard bit! Stay strong xxx

Anyway what did you have for tea ?

 

[Deleted member 2683]

For you @noseyneighbour

That’s so cute

 

[thelurker66]

@noseyneighbour I feel for you, you are coming back to chaos