You may have Sky Crime channel, then.
I'm thinking there is nothing more we can do for you. You'll have to get your husband or kids to help you search through the channels and maybe write the channels down and stick it on the back of the remote. I'm so sorry. This is the beginning of the end. You'll start shrinking in height now, arch support will become more important, you'll start referring to your arse as your "back passage" and overcooking vegetables so they smell like farts before they've even been digested.
(I can't remember what else my grandparents used to do, but you get the gist...
)
