Therapists say to not feel bad for removing toxic or narcissistic people from your life...even family members if they don't give you emotional peace. I never felt that peace until I put boundaries in with her...no contact! She still sends the odd message or tries calling but ignore her. I have to. I was going thru a bad time and she said something that tipped me over the edge and I was off work for about 3 months. I will not let her do that to me again and risk my career.Do we all have the same mum?
Also a child of a narcissistic mother
So much so, recently had to block her out my life because she called me ignorant for not needing her through my health battles.
I’ve done a lot of therapy and do understand that we are all put on this earth to serve a purpose. My mums was to show me the type of parent I wanted to be, by being everything she was. I mean that in the nicest way. She could only be what she was nurtured to be by my gran. Who by the way is very well to do but my mum was a rebel.
I grew up and left at 17, never been back. I’d rather be on my arse than go back. She’s an amazing grandparent and she’s making up for her mistakes but she’s still a narcissist, functioning alcoholic. It would upset me she was never the mum I needed or wanted, so I became that to my daughter.
She will never change and I have now accepted that.
My dad left when I was 1, and my stepdad has been about since I was 3.
We haven’t always got on but I love the bones of him because he actively changed his life, he’s said sorry for his mistakes. My mother won’t ever.
This made me a natural people pleaser, doing things to make my parents happy so I could see happy emotions, and be the cause of them.
But I equally do not take praise or compliments well because I was never praised as a child so I can’t process the emotions as an adult.
I am an internal sufferer. If I’m upset I am deathly quiet, but again this was because I was left to comfort myself as a child, and figure out my own emotions and validate them, that I can’t talk (still in therapy for this).
My daughter thinks I have my s together and I really don’t, so I can see why I would have expected better of my parents when I was young, they were equally winging it.
That being said, I do hold them accountable for a lot because you do still know right from wrong. You can always make better decisions (if you’re of the mental capacity).
I just punish myself by my negative thoughts about it all, not them. So I’ve learnt to drop it now.
Accept they are who they are, I’m not in a position to need them, so how they choose to be doesn’t affect me anymore, and what did affect me happened in the past so can’t let it ruin the ‘now’. I’m over it, I got through it.
Our success rate for getting through life’s hardship is 100%. We’re doing real good ladies
My niece was getting married last year and it took me ages to decide whether to go as I didn't want anything spoiling their day and my mum is known to cause a scene trying to get attention and playing the victim. She made it all about her. I said hello when she said hello but then kept my distance. She told everyone I had ignored her which was bs and others backed me as heard the exchange. She kept going off crying saying I shud forgive her as she's helped me out after leaving my ex husband. My half brother point blank said that was a material thing and doesn't undo what she had done and that she was being manipulative. Me and my ex partner stayed at a nearby Premier Inn as it was like £180 to stay at this place..
Apparently in the morning she made a scene crying about it all and everyone was staring. She timed this as my niece and her new hubby came in for breakfast. Embarrassing and selfish as per! That is one example of her behaviour and the fact she won't change and I can't accept that.
Alcoholism is such an evil thing to take hold and as an addiction..nothing else matters. I haven’t personally been on the receiving end but i can imagine it is very hurtful and creates a toxic environment.
Also anxiety over how drunk someone is or going to be and how that can impact others. A friend's ex used to go on coca**e and drinking binges and be gone for days. Nothing else mattered but getting in the worst state possible. She was also on edge constantly with worry. I say ex as he had a heart attack and died as a result of the above and taking prescription meds at the same time. He was only about 30 at the time. He worked at Barclays at the time and I guess a functional alcoholic. Work even paid for rehab. Very sad. Addiction is a bastard. Does your mum acknowledge she is an alcoholic?
It's hard to not punish yourself and just wipe out negative or u helpful thoughts. The brain is cruel to us sometimes.
Sounds like u are smashing it as a mum.
Mine are young adults so have a level of maturity but not yet emotional maturity. I have mum guilt for the times I have really struggled and how this has impacted them and who they are today. My daughter is not the most empathetic and struggles to acknowledge wrong sometimes (gets that from her dad) which worries me a bit..She is very blunt to say the least! She does however show in different ways she cares and has a good heart..
And yes..surviving trauma, any abuse or s childhoods or pasts is a positive.
Sorry...another one of my essays!
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right about mental health awareness these days. I think the mental health services is poorly funded and not fit for purpose and I speak from personal and professional experience.
Crying is a great release. Inevitably gives me a massive headache. 
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you’ve all got this 
we thought no one cud love them like us and the mums also get forgotten so we kept her too!! She was semi feral and now is a ridiculous fuss pot. I've seen many a feral turn positively given time..trust and patience.