Faceless Friends

[Deleted member 2683]

Famous last words lol. My mouth has always got me into trouble.
Prob stupid question...but how can we tell what notifications are for here or the other chat? Am I being a t...

These are my notifications where it says “replied to thread faceless friends” xx

 

[noseyneighbour]

These are my notifications where it says “replied to thread faceless friends” xx

Arhh ok. Thanks xx

 

[Deleted member 2683]

@noseyneighbour to respond from the other thread…
If I was you, I’d send one last paragraph. Give your reasons (you don’t need to be mean) that way you’ve given him his answers , closure, and you’ll probably feel better for it too. Conclude by telling him you won’t be responding to any more messages other than arrangements of when you can pick your stuff up.
(If you have money to spare and there’s a LOT to move out of there consider hiring a moving van? - you won’t have to put yourself in the situation of facing him again)
If not, deffo take your daughter for support if that would help you, after you’ve gotten your stuff time to block.
It’s deffo not to insult him but it’s for yourself. You can’t move on when his name pops up on your phone all the time!
If you do have to face him again, just repeat something along the lines of that you have nothing more to say, you messaged everything that you had to say.
You said you was at peace when you had no contact so it deffo sounds like you’re doing the right thing to me honey. You are your #1 always! Hope this tough times ends soon for you. You’ll come out the other side I’ve no doubt about that
Lots of love

 

[Olgacatpissyswampypig]

I've forgotten who Gavin is again? brain fog is fogging

Gavin is my emotional support cactus.

 

[noseyneighbour]

@noseyneighbour to respond from the other thread…
If I was you, I’d send one last paragraph. Give your reasons (you don’t need to be mean) that way you’ve given him his answers , closure, and you’ll probably feel better for it too. Conclude by telling him you won’t be responding to any more messages other than arrangements of when you can pick your stuff up.
(If you have money to spare and there’s a LOT to move out of there consider hiring a moving van? - you won’t have to put yourself in the situation of facing him again)
If not, deffo take your daughter for support if that would help you, after you’ve gotten your stuff time to block.
It’s deffo not to insult him but it’s for yourself. You can’t move on when his name pops up on your phone all the time!
If you do have to face him again, just repeat something along the lines of that you have nothing more to say, you messaged everything that you had to say.
You said you was at peace when you had no contact so it deffo sounds like you’re doing the right thing to me honey. You are your #1 always! Hope this tough times ends soon for you. You’ll come out the other side I’ve no doubt about that
Lots of love

I wrote him like a 5 page letter which went into detail calmly about why I felt so frustrated...resentful and hurt. (He's controlled me to the extent of money, family and the couple itself)
I'm mourning 2 years loss but i left a toxic marriage of 20 years..u wud think I wud have learned my lesson! I really wanted it to work as it seemed perfect (love bombing and my attachment issues wanting it to work) I've given so many chances and all I've had back is manipulation..betrayal and false promises. He even said "no one will love you like I do" wtaf!
I haven't got as much as needing a van or anything but I have enough to go and get inc some of my work stuff when I work from home.

I said a few weeks ago I was done and he's just ignored it. Im one of those ppl who has to respond to every message rather than stopping replying.
Yes the peace I've had for the last 3 months has been so nice. Even work hv noticed I'm more back to myself. A couple of then know the story and have told me to get rid many times saying he won't change. Ive made excuses and allowances for him (inc ASD) and hoped it wud work. Christmas...and just after he ruined and it was a turning point for me amd I told him that. I told him he needed to go to the Dr's amd try and get a referral. To which he said that she said (in a 10 minute consult) u haven't got ..........and long waiting lists for referrals (which I'm well aware of) He forgets my line of work and how I know how thongs work. More lies and bs. I dont think he even went. I've had to do everything from Dr's appointments to writing emails to his work and his solicitor..trying to fix what he had fed up and offended her! Nothing wrong with him or his behaviour tho...
Think that's why A triggers me so much as its a sore subject and I know in my heart he is a Narc. He has a string of failed relationships but it was always their fault.
It's like having an immature boy with tantrums if he doesn't get his own way and I can't gave an intellectual calm conversation with him...and this has shown more and more. He's def not brains of Britain (who is) but we don't match in this area and as time has gone on...i hv really got the ick!
He has no emotional intelligence or self reflection/insight.
We all hv demons...well most do but I know what mine are and have tried to work thru them...he has actually used these against me to hurt me or explain my reactions to his sty behaviour.
He's even taken things from my house as I've found them at his. He's gone behind my back to speak to my family and rearrange plans when we've agreed otherwise.
He insults my kids and tells me..u shud do this or shudnt do that etc. He has no idea about kids as never had them.
He thinks the world and my world revolve round him.
There is so much more but I have already gone on long enough! (Sorry!)
Part of me is trying to justify why i shudnt go back with him and my fear of being seen as a bad person but i know in my heart and from what ppl have told me.. what I need to do for my own peace, sanity and healing.
I will just be a pushing 50 year old alone for the rest of my life lol but I won't have someone controlling me....
If he was to acknowledge s...get help and therapy and come back to try again...I may give him a trial but realistically...im being more deluded than him!

Thanks for all your advice and support. I do value all of it. Sorry prob lots of typos but u get the jist hopefully xx

Edited to say s..did i write that much!!

 

[noseyneighbour]

Gavin is my emotional support cactus.

That was it! Thanks

 

[noseyneighbour]

2 of out 3 of the off springs asleep, had my shower now sat on my bed about to put some foot pampering socks on as my heels are a mess

Nearly sandal weather.Good idea!

 

[SleepyLion]

Hi,

Hope you don’t mind if I gatecrash! Having one of those evenings before school tomorrow when kids are falling out with other kids and then parents are messaging to add more fuel to fires! Ahh!

Anyhow hope everyone doing ok - I read your message @noseyneighbour and hope you are ok.

Relationships breakups are bloody hard work but you deserve so much more lovey - it sounds you’ve done so much for him and enriched his life for the better whilst he has slowly tried to chip away at yours.

Learn to love yourself again lovey and know you are a lovely person who deserves a whole lot more than what he is willing to give

 

[noseyneighbour]

Hi,

Hope you don’t mind if I gatecrash! Having one of those evenings before school tomorrow when kids are falling out with other kids and then parents are messaging to add more fuel to fires! Ahh!

Anyhow hope everyone doing ok - I read your message @noseyneighbour and hope you are ok.

Relationships breakups are bloody hard work but you deserve so much more lovey - it sounds you’ve done so much for him and enriched his life for the better whilst he has slowly tried to chip away at yours.

Learn to love yourself again lovey and know you are a lovely person who deserves a whole lot more than what he is willing to give

Of course not...thank you!
Grateful for any words of wisdom and i think u are spot on tbh.
And thanks for reading my 5000 word assignment. xx

 

[noseyneighbour]

He's bloody messaged again!!
"Please don't give up on me or us"
Defiant..disrespectful and having to control things. fs it all up on his own!

 

[SleepyLion]

He's bloody messaged again!!
"Please don't give up on me or us"
Defiant..disrespectful and having to control things. fs it all up on his own!

This is a true narcissistic tactic lovey - he is deflecting any blame on the breakdown of the relationship onto you.

He hasn’t in that message accepted his part in making this work - he hasn’t said anything about what he is willing to do to help save the relationship and no apology for what he has done.

He wants control - it hates him to know that you have finally woken up to his ways and are walking away from the relationship and he is scared to lose the control he had at how this relationship worked.

I agree with the others even though I know it must be difficult but definitely think delete and block his number and learn to heal and love yourself lovey xx

 

[Deleted member 2683]

I wrote him like a 5 page letter which went into detail calmly about why I felt so frustrated...resentful and hurt. (He's controlled me to the extent of money, family and the couple itself)
I'm mourning 2 years loss but i left a toxic marriage of 20 years..u wud think I wud have learned my lesson! I really wanted it to work as it seemed perfect (love bombing and my attachment issues wanting it to work) I've given so many chances and all I've had back is manipulation..betrayal and false promises. He even said "no one will love you like I do" wtaf!
I haven't got as much as needing a van or anything but I have enough to go and get inc some of my work stuff when I work from home.

I said a few weeks ago I was done and he's just ignored it. Im one of those ppl who has to respond to every message rather than stopping replying.
Yes the peace I've had for the last 3 months has been so nice. Even work hv noticed I'm more back to myself. A couple of then know the story and have told me to get rid many times saying he won't change. Ive made excuses and allowances for him (inc ASD) and hoped it wud work. Christmas...and just after he ruined and it was a turning point for me amd I told him that. I told him he needed to go to the Dr's amd try and get a referral. To which he said that she said (in a 10 minute consult) u haven't got ..........and long waiting lists for referrals (which I'm well aware of) He forgets my line of work and how I know how thongs work. More lies and bs. I dont think he even went. I've had to do everything from Dr's appointments to writing emails to his work and his solicitor..trying to fix what he had fed up and offended her! Nothing wrong with him or his behaviour tho...
Think that's why A triggers me so much as its a sore subject and I know in my heart he is a Narc. He has a string of failed relationships but it was always their fault.
It's like having an immature boy with tantrums if he doesn't get his own way and I can't gave an intellectual calm conversation with him...and this has shown more and more. He's def not brains of Britain (who is) but we don't match in this area and as time has gone on...i hv really got the ick!
He has no emotional intelligence or self reflection/insight.
We all hv demons...well most do but I know what mine are and have tried to work thru them...he has actually used these against me to hurt me or explain my reactions to his sty behaviour.
He's even taken things from my house as I've found them at his. He's gone behind my back to speak to my family and rearrange plans when we've agreed otherwise.
He insults my kids and tells me..u shud do this or shudnt do that etc. He has no idea about kids as never had them.
He thinks the world and my world revolve round him.
There is so much more but I have already gone on long enough! (Sorry!)
Part of me is trying to justify why i shudnt go back with him and my fear of being seen as a bad person but i know in my heart and from what ppl have told me.. what I need to do for my own peace, sanity and healing.
I will just be a pushing 50 year old alone for the rest of my life lol but I won't have someone controlling me....
If he was to acknowledge s...get help and therapy and come back to try again...I may give him a trial but realistically...im being more deluded than him!

Thanks for all your advice and support. I do value all of it. Sorry prob lots of typos but u get the jist hopefully xx

Edited to say s..did i write that much!!

Whenever you feel guilt, read this message! Because there’s not one bit of information given here that makes me thing you should give him one more chance because there’s a possibility that it could work, nope. Not one!
Also, you are correct. It’s better to be single living in peace than to be in a relationship living in hell.
Don’t you dare beat yourself up for your age either! “Life starts at 50” set yourself plans and goals that you’ll be able to achieve now you’re free. Holidays, days out, lots of family time. I know you said your daughter can’t stand him (that’s very telling), she will 100% be there for you because she will want this for you more than you want it for yourself 🩷 you will get through it. Please bear in mind there are agencies for support if he gets extremely obsessive and won’t leave you alone. Reach out if he’s making this really difficult for you! Because it shouldn’t be that way, if he loved you He would’ve done what was asked from him a long time ago & he would be letting you go because it’s what you want x

 

[GG & her gaping growler]

Send him one last message with a time and a date to arrange collection of your stuff. If possible get a friend or your daughter to go and collect them. In the meantime if chats are via whattapp mute him and crack on with your life. Once you have all your belongings back, block his number on all forms of contact and same for any social media forums.

 

[Deleted member 2683]

 

[noseyneighbour]

This is a true narcissistic tactic lovey - he is deflecting any blame on the breakdown of the relationship onto you.

He hasn’t in that message accepted his part in making this work - he hasn’t said anything about what he is willing to do to help save the relationship and no apology for what he has done.

He wants control - it hates him to know that you have finally woken up to his ways and are walking away from the relationship and he is scared to lose the control he had at how this relationship worked.

I agree with the others even though I know it must be difficult but definitely think delete and block his number and learn to heal and love yourself lovey xx

You are so right. He's a text book Narc. The anxiety when he messages is awful...then just rage!
I've got to admit I sent a blunt rude message back and told him not to message me again!
If I say about getting stuff as some point and saying I'm bringing my daughter..he will refuse to let me come...I just know he will...

Anyway...thanks again for the voice of sense, sanity, and rationality

 

[noseyneighbour]

Whenever you feel guilt, read this message! Because there’s not one bit of information given here that makes me thing you should give him one more chance because there’s a possibility that it could work, nope. Not one!
Also, you are correct. It’s better to be single living in peace than to be in a relationship living in hell.
Don’t you dare beat yourself up for your age either! “Life starts at 50” set yourself plans and goals that you’ll be able to achieve now you’re free. Holidays, days out, lots of family time. I know you said your daughter can’t stand him (that’s very telling), she will 100% be there for you because she will want this for you more than you want it for yourself 🩷 you will get through it. Please bear in mind there are agencies for support if he gets extremely obsessive and won’t leave you alone. Reach out if he’s making this really difficult for you! Because it shouldn’t be that way, if he loved you He would’ve done what was asked from him a long time ago & he would be letting you go because it’s what you want x

Wow...this Thank you! xx

 

[noseyneighbour]

Send him one last message with a time and a date to arrange collection of your stuff. If possible get a friend or your daughter to go and collect them. In the meantime if chats are via whattapp mute him and crack on with your life. Once you have all your belongings back, block his number on all forms of contact and same for any social media forums.

May be a stupid question...if I mute him..does it stop his messages delivering or just stop me seeing them please?

He told me about a past partner who went no contact and he drove miles and turned up at her door! I don't need that drama, embarrassment or anxiety.

 

[Deleted member 2683]

May be a stupid question...if I mute him..does it stop his messages delivering or just stop me seeing them please?

He told me about a past partner who went no contact and he drove miles and turned up at her door! I don't need that drama, embarrassment or anxiety.

I think muting just stops the notifications coming through but you will still receive the messages. My god, he openly told you that? That’s strange! As someone like that would deffo keep parts of their past hidden or completely fabricate it (so they look like the good guy) that’s stumped me. Because I don’t see how telling a woman that would be beneficial for him? Keep your doors locked & get a ring door bell! If you need to take this up with police you have video ❤evidence to back your case of him turning up to your door.

 

[GG & her gaping growler]

May be a stupid question...if I mute him..does it stop his messages delivering or just stop me seeing them please?

He told me about a past partner who went no contact and he drove miles and turned up at her door! I don't need that drama, embarrassment or anxiety.

Stops you seeing them, I do it with some group chats I’m in as can’t be arsed with all the unnecessary chat

 

[thelurker66]

May be a stupid question...if I mute him..does it stop his messages delivering or just stop me seeing them please?

He told me about a past partner who went no contact and he drove miles and turned up at her door! I don't need that drama, embarrassment or anxiety.

Muting it will just stop the notifications unfortunately, if there is nothing to talk about then I’d recommend blocking, but also if you can you can go in settings and silence unknown callers as if he rings on no caller it’ll come through.
Do whatever you need to protect your peace