Faceless Friends

[Missy]

I wrote him like a 5 page letter which went into detail calmly about why I felt so frustrated...resentful and hurt. (He's controlled me to the extent of money, family and the couple itself)
I'm mourning 2 years loss but i left a toxic marriage of 20 years..u wud think I wud have learned my lesson! I really wanted it to work as it seemed perfect (love bombing and my attachment issues wanting it to work) I've given so many chances and all I've had back is manipulation..betrayal and false promises. He even said "no one will love you like I do" wtaf!
I haven't got as much as needing a van or anything but I have enough to go and get inc some of my work stuff when I work from home.

I said a few weeks ago I was done and he's just ignored it. Im one of those ppl who has to respond to every message rather than stopping replying.
Yes the peace I've had for the last 3 months has been so nice. Even work hv noticed I'm more back to myself. A couple of then know the story and have told me to get rid many times saying he won't change. Ive made excuses and allowances for him (inc ASD) and hoped it wud work. Christmas...and just after he ruined and it was a turning point for me amd I told him that. I told him he needed to go to the Dr's amd try and get a referral. To which he said that she said (in a 10 minute consult) u haven't got ..........and long waiting lists for referrals (which I'm well aware of) He forgets my line of work and how I know how thongs work. More lies and bs. I dont think he even went. I've had to do everything from Dr's appointments to writing emails to his work and his solicitor..trying to fix what he had fed up and offended her! Nothing wrong with him or his behaviour tho...
Think that's why A triggers me so much as its a sore subject and I know in my heart he is a Narc. He has a string of failed relationships but it was always their fault.
It's like having an immature boy with tantrums if he doesn't get his own way and I can't gave an intellectual calm conversation with him...and this has shown more and more. He's def not brains of Britain (who is) but we don't match in this area and as time has gone on...i hv really got the ick!
He has no emotional intelligence or self reflection/insight.
We all hv demons...well most do but I know what mine are and have tried to work thru them...he has actually used these against me to hurt me or explain my reactions to his sty behaviour.
He's even taken things from my house as I've found them at his. He's gone behind my back to speak to my family and rearrange plans when we've agreed otherwise.
He insults my kids and tells me..u shud do this or shudnt do that etc. He has no idea about kids as never had them.
He thinks the world and my world revolve round him.
There is so much more but I have already gone on long enough! (Sorry!)
Part of me is trying to justify why i shudnt go back with him and my fear of being seen as a bad person but i know in my heart and from what ppl have told me.. what I need to do for my own peace, sanity and healing.
I will just be a pushing 50 year old alone for the rest of my life lol but I won't have someone controlling me....
If he was to acknowledge s...get help and therapy and come back to try again...I may give him a trial but realistically...im being more deluded than him!

Thanks for all your advice and support. I do value all of it. Sorry prob lots of typos but u get the jist hopefully xx

Edited to say s..did i write that much!!

You can write as much as you like

 

[noseyneighbour]

You can write as much as you like

Thanks Missy I do get carried away. Writing/typing has always been therapeutic for me! xx

 

[GG & her gaping growler]

Another interview today been interviewed 3 times by this company so bloody hope something comes of this, got another 2 interviews confirmed for this week with a possible 2 others my head feels like it’s going to explode.

Hope everyone is well.

 

[Muggle]

Thanks Missy I do get carried away. Writing/typing has always been therapeutic for me! xx

Hey Nosey, sorry I couldnt reply earlier, not supposed to use our phones in work lol.
It sounds to me like you have done the best thing you can by walking away, and been a grownup about it by writing to him to try and explain your feelings and frustrations, and the reasons it won't work between you. It is very difficult to go no contact. I did when I split from my husband, and obviously the split was my fault as I wasn't being 'a proper wife' (his words), and nothing to do with the fact he'd been screwing someone else for at least 6 months before I left! If you have to speak to him for any reason, try the grey rock method. Just be as non commital, brief and boring with your replies, so it doesn't give him anything to be interested in. I'm not really explaining very well, I cant type as fast as I think, but you can google it
Keep your chin up and please rant on here as much as you like, if we can offer any support we will. Sending you a virtual hug, you got this! Xx

 

[noseyneighbour]

Hey Nosey, sorry I couldnt reply earlier, not supposed to use our phones in work lol.
It sounds to me like you have done the best thing you can by walking away, and been a grownup about it by writing to him to try and explain your feelings and frustrations, and the reasons it won't work between you. It is very difficult to go no contact. I did when I split from my husband, and obviously the split was my fault as I wasn't being 'a proper wife' (his words), and nothing to do with the fact he'd been screwing someone else for at least 6 months before I left! If you have to speak to him for any reason, try the grey rock method. Just be as non commital, brief and boring with your replies, so it doesn't give him anything to be interested in. I'm not really explaining very well, I cant type as fast as I think, but you can google it
Keep your chin up and please rant on here as much as you like, if we can offer any support we will. Sending you a virtual hug, you got this! Xx

Thank you I was so angry with him and his manipulative bs. Then I had a really sty day at work today, and now just feel s in general. He affects all my coping mechanisms and my reactions to things. I know that's not on him directly but I just feel overwhelmed and broken. I usually retreat at this point...was off cc for weeks. You and everyone else are so lovely and supportive to someone (me) u don't know. Maybe I shud stick around this time and let the words of wisdom from u all keep me stable...ish. xx

 

[Muggle]

Thank you I was so angry with him and his manipulative bs. Then I had a really sty day at work today, and now just feel s in general. He affects all my coping mechanisms and my reactions to things. I know that's not on him directly but I just feel overwhelmed and broken. I usually retreat at this point...was off cc for weeks. You and everyone else are so lovely and supportive to someone (me) u don't know. Maybe I shud stick around this time and let the words of wisdom from u all keep me stable...ish. xx

But he is at least partially responsible for your coping mechanisms and reactions, as if he wasn't so manipulative it wouldn't affect you so badly. In a truly loving relationship you support each other, communicate and work together to resolve any little issues before they become big issues. You have not had this support, and it's bound to knock you and your self esteem, and hurt you. Cut yourself some slack and allow yourself to learn how to move forward from this xx

 

[noseyneighbour]

But he is at least partially responsible for your coping mechanisms and reactions, as if he wasn't so manipulative it wouldn't affect you so badly. In a truly loving relationship you support each other, communicate and work together to resolve any little issues before they become big issues. You have not had this support, and it's bound to knock you and your self esteem, and hurt you. Cut yourself some slack and allow yourself to learn how to move forward from this xx

 

[Muggle]

Another interview today been interviewed 3 times by this company so bloody hope something comes of this, got another 2 interviews confirmed for this week with a possible 2 others my head feels like it’s going to explode.

Hope everyone is well.

Hey, how did the interviews go?

 

[GG & her gaping growler]

Hey, how did the interviews go?

Very good thanks for asking, got a job offer yesterday and last interview today for another role I’m interested in.

 

[Eitak58]

Very good thanks for asking, got a job offer yesterday and last interview today for another role I’m interested in.

Aww well done on the job offer good luck with the interview today. Which is your first choice? Or are you just seeing what offers you get first?

 

[GG & her gaping growler]

Aww well done on the job offer good luck with the interview today. Which is your first choice? Or are you just seeing what offers you get first?

The one I have been offered and the one I’m interviewing for are my favourites.
If I’m offered both will have to weigh up the benefits/negatives of both & what works best for my family and me.
Today’s interview is the same product industry I’ve just left and the job I have already been offered is for a different product so that interests me as it’s a new challenge.
May go for the interview today and might not like the atmosphere or click with the interviewer so will see later.

 

[Eitak58]

The one I have been offered and the one I’m interviewing for are my favourites.
If I’m offered both will have to weigh up the benefits/negatives of both & what works best for my family and me.
Today’s interview is the same product industry I’ve just left and the job I have already been offered is for a different product so that interests me as it’s a new challenge.
May go for the interview today and might not like the atmosphere or click with the interviewer so will see later.

It’s always good to have options isn’t it, and yeah interviews aren’t just about the employers getting to know you etc it gives you chance to get a feel of them etc too doesn’t it. I guess already having one offer will make this one today a little less pressured? But best of luck

 

[GG & her gaping growler]

It’s always good to have options isn’t it, and yeah interviews aren’t just about the employers getting to know you etc it gives you chance to get a feel of them etc too doesn’t it. I guess already having one offer will make this one today a little less pressured? But best of luck

Thank you so much.

Indeed it does the working atmosphere is so important as you spend so much of your day in work, negativity and toxic environments aren’t good for anyone.

 

[Eitak58]

Thank you so much.

Indeed it does the working atmosphere is so important as you spend so much of your day in work, negativity and toxic environments aren’t good for anyone.

Welcome let’s us all know how you get on.

Yeah it certainly has to feel right, hopefully you’ve a good instinct and feel for things so pick up on whether it’s decent or not.

 

[GG & her gaping growler]

Welcome let’s us all know how you get on.

Yeah it certainly has to feel right, hopefully you’ve a good instinct and feel for things so pick up on whether it’s decent or not.

Yes I’m good on picking up on atmospheres and good at working people out so will know if it’s the right place for me pretty quickly and if it doesn’t feel right I’ll let them know

 

[Eitak58]

Yes I’m good on picking up on atmospheres and good at working people out so will know if it’s the right place for me pretty quickly and if it doesn’t feel right I’ll let them know

That’s the good then. I’m always a nervous wreck at interviews so I wouldn’t pick up on anything, probably why I’ve barely moved jobs in 10 years

 

[GG & her gaping growler]

That’s the good then. I’m always a nervous wreck at interviews so I wouldn’t pick up on anything, probably why I’ve barely moved jobs in 10 years

I used to be the same, but overcame it as my confidence in myself grew, then I started to interview people for jobs.
Don’t get me wrong I’m nervous as hell and my stomach is proper churning 🫢.

 

[Eitak58]

I used to be the same, but overcame it as my confidence in myself grew, then I started to interview people for jobs.
Don’t get me wrong I’m nervous as hell and my stomach is proper churning 🫢.

Aww it’s only natural, they are such a nerve racking thing. I’m sure you’ll do great. You seem confident and remember you’ve already got one offer so you will have come across great for that one.

 

[GG & her gaping growler]

Aww it’s only natural, they are such a nerve racking thing. I’m sure you’ll do great. You seem confident and remember you’ve already got one offer so you will have come across great for that one.

Well i accepted the job and I start next week

 

[Muggle]

Well i accepted the job and I start next week

Oh that's fantastic, well done