I wrote him like a 5 page letter which went into detail calmly about why I felt so frustrated...resentful and hurt. (He's controlled me to the extent of money, family and the couple itself)
I'm mourning 2 years loss but i left a toxic marriage of 20 years..u wud think I wud have learned my lesson! I really wanted it to work as it seemed perfect (love bombing and my attachment issues wanting it to work) I've given so many chances and all I've had back is manipulation..betrayal and false promises. He even said "no one will love you like I do" wtaf!
I haven't got as much as needing a van or anything but I have enough to go and get inc some of my work stuff when I work from home.
I said a few weeks ago I was done and he's just ignored it. Im one of those ppl who has to respond to every message rather than stopping replying.
Yes the peace I've had for the last 3 months has been so nice. Even work hv noticed I'm more back to myself. A couple of then know the story and have told me to get rid many times saying he won't change. Ive made excuses and allowances for him (inc ASD) and hoped it wud work. Christmas...and just after he ruined and it was a turning point for me amd I told him that. I told him he needed to go to the Dr's amd try and get a referral. To which he said that she said (in a 10 minute consult) u haven't got ..........and long waiting lists for referrals (which I'm well aware of) He forgets my line of work and how I know how thongs work. More lies and bs. I dont think he even went. I've had to do everything from Dr's appointments to writing emails to his work and his solicitor..trying to fix what he had fed up and offended her! Nothing wrong with him or his behaviour tho...
Think that's why A triggers me so much as its a sore subject and I know in my heart he is a Narc. He has a string of failed relationships but it was always their fault.
It's like having an immature boy with tantrums if he doesn't get his own way and I can't gave an intellectual calm conversation with him...and this has shown more and more. He's def not brains of Britain (who is) but we don't match in this area and as time has gone on...i hv really got the ick!
He has no emotional intelligence or self reflection/insight.
We all hv demons...well most do but I know what mine are and have tried to work thru them...he has actually used these against me to hurt me or explain my reactions to his sty behaviour.
He's even taken things from my house as I've found them at his. He's gone behind my back to speak to my family and rearrange plans when we've agreed otherwise.
He insults my kids and tells me..u shud do this or shudnt do that etc. He has no idea about kids as never had them.
He thinks the world and my world revolve round him.
There is so much more but I have already gone on long enough! (Sorry!)
Part of me is trying to justify why i shudnt go back with him and my fear of being seen as a bad person but i know in my heart and from what ppl have told me.. what I need to do for my own peace, sanity and healing.
I will just be a pushing 50 year old alone for the rest of my life lol but I won't have someone controlling me....
If he was to acknowledge s...get help and therapy and come back to try again...I may give him a trial but realistically...im being more deluded than him!
Thanks for all your advice and support. I do value all of it. Sorry prob lots of typos but u get the jist hopefully
xx
Edited to say s..did i write that much!!
He affects all my coping mechanisms and my reactions to things. I know that's not on him directly but I just feel overwhelmed and broken. I usually retreat at this point...was off cc for weeks. You and everyone else are so lovely and supportive to someone (me) u don't know. Maybe I shud stick around this time and let the words of wisdom from u all keep me stable...ish. xx
good luck with the interview today. Which is your first choice? Or are you just seeing what offers you get first?
