Good morning trowls
Welcome to flight A1M15AD1K (That looks like a crime number)
Please be seated and take a look at the flight safety card located in the Home Bargains bag under your seat. We have also provided phone holders in front of your faces so you can gurn at yourselves. Our specials on the drinks trolley are First chew of the day coffee or Hs favourite lemon Fanta. The Captain (who follows Aimee) has said there may be slight turbulence as we fly over GrannyGashFlash especially if she is wearing no knickers. That chasm is WIDE!
Pets are allowed, they do not have to be in a secure crate but be careful they may piss all over your belongings.
Have a safe albeit smelly flight today.
There is emergency oxygen needed if you cannot stop laughing at yourself.
The seatbelt sign is now on (not you Shamey/Jo/Rainbow/Jigsaw. You don't get seatbelts. We have a cage for you all at the back)