I vanish'd for but a few days and return to find chaos and bedlam unfurl'd. Methinks I've miss'd a tempest of infighting, and all manner of vile discord hath been unshackl'd.
Ignorance is bliss, forsooth! Life oft requireth one's full attention, and what days hath fickle fate chosen for me to be thus swamped!
What in the devil's name hath transpired here? Nay, I daren't even inquire.
Angie, that piss-prone harpy, drowneth herself in red wine;
Miss Red, the miscreant, hath plunder'd cultures she understandeth not;
Pearl should'st have stuck to benefit fraud and the flipping of burgers;
Miss J, the methane-producing, nuclear-waste-of-space;
The so called Evil Queen, a loathsome, toxic serpent, a plague upon all humanity;
and Alex, that Darth Vader-sounding, Fred West-acting, creepy Brummie knave, giveth me chills down mine spine.
What the do hath happen'd here? I cast mine eye aside for but a heartbeat, and 'tis like 'Macbeth' meeteth 'Lord of the Flies' in a tempest of malice.
Someone, pass me one spliff and a couple Guinness with a hazmat suit, forsooth, while we brace for the inferno!