So sorry to read this too
It's so hard isn't it, like you feel the person is there in body but not the person they were. I think we all feel so guilty but in reality they are adults and when you don't normally have that kind of drama, you have to put your own family first don't you.
Can't believe it was special brew with your mum too but saying that it has such a high alcohol volume, so I can see why. Your mum has done great for 27yrs sober/recovery and it's good you are close now but the trauma never really goes does it.
I remember being sent to the shop for 4 cans and fags many a time God I must of been no older than 5 crazy that kids were allowed to buy those and even go to the shop alone!!
I always try and see a funny side of things (gets me through) and I always laugh at 5yr old me when I think of my first trip to the shop for her cigarettes and alcohol. I was head deep in the freezer, feet off the ground looking for "lamb"bert and Butlers thought she was sending me for the lamb for dinner
Anyway love to you too and ditto if you ever need to chat
It really is so hard. I use to say my mum was one of 3 mums - I’d have the passed out drunk on the bed mum, the mum the morning after who was pale, throwing up and trying to get sober mum and I have the mum I have now who is sober all the days and how I wanted her to be when I was a kid.
However, even 27 years on - when I go to the house and I waiting for them to answer the door I always scan her face to see if she been drinking. That is something I won’t ever be able to stop doing sadly.
I also can be quite critical of things in the house so housework I get quite anal about and I think that stems from the childhood as well as in mum could be passed out on bed upstairs and house a mess but we use to have clean uniforms and give the pretendence that everything is fine when behind closed doors it wasn’t like that at all.
Most kids love a scavenger hunt and mine was looking for those gold cans and pouring them down the sink - they would be everywhere.
I try hard to give my kids a better childhood than I had. I definitely think my childhood has made me stronger and instilled in me about working hard and putting family first always.
Here if ever need to talk it is so bloody hard but we’ve survived it (just!) lovey