Jack Monroe - Bootstrapcook

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@BootstrapCook

Guest
R to @__ad__90: Scissors were my Nans actually, and do be a love let me know where the mystery hundred grand is buried and the particular medieval spell to slay the dragon/orc/troll guarding it, coz my arthritic bones could really do with putting the fing heating on for a bit. Ta v much!

 
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@BootstrapCook

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R to @__ad__90: Bless you that you think this tedious and frankly unimaginative asshattery is anyway near important enough to bother with a 2 year laborious court case over 🤣

 
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@BootstrapCook

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R to @__ad__90: I have absolutely no interest in acknowledging nor validating your weird fantasies - but if you want to write reams of fiction about a stranger you’re obsessed with there are very specific websites that would welcome your drivel

 
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@BootstrapCook

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🧵 Some of the more common troll claims and conspiracy theories about myself that i keep coming across (by which I mean actually deliberately tagged in, ye tedious bores) recently on this here Twitter:

 
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@BootstrapCook

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R to @MartinSLewis: Absolutely made up for you pal - sorry I couldn’t be there to congratulate you in person, SB is off sick at the moment so we’re hunkered down in duvets and lots of mash! Well deserved and well done ❤️

 
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@BootstrapCook

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R to @BootstrapCook: Ha - that’ll teach me not to check my phone battery before posting a thread - just clocked the rest didn’t go out! (Been hunkered down with a v sick 12 year old for a few hours so funnily enough didn’t notice! It’s stuck in limbo on my phone now, didn’t mean to leave ye hanging!)

 
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@BootstrapCook

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R to @BootstrapCook: I appear to have crashed my own twitter - hopefully it saves in drafts and I can upload it tomorrow (it was 24 tweet, painstakingly evidenced thread lol - if not, maybe the universe was not so subtly reminding me of The Pyramid Stage Rule. 😏)

 
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@BootstrapCook

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TROLLCLAIM: I’ve got £500 of Botox in my forehead.

FACT: Clearly fing not lol, I have a forehead to rival Gordon Ramsays, hence the DIY fringe job 😂

EVIDENCE:

 
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@BootstrapCook

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R to @BootstrapCook: Dang it split the thread, but do enjoy the first instalment! 🧐

 
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@BootstrapCook

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R to @iphigenie: I mean I’m not sure what £500 would get you in that department but I do quite like being able to blink 😂

 
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@BootstrapCook

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R to @BootstrapCook: I have to sleep, I’ll have another crack at it tomorrow if it doesn’t suddenly chaotically fire them all into the timeline overnight. Think of that as a trailer or something. Night!

 
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@BootstrapCook

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R to @Rocket6165: Ohhhh wait til you get to the ‘Jack Monroe paints dark hollows in her cheeks to look ill and haunted for sympathy’ truthers, they’re next level! Spoiler alert, I had a complete breakdown a month ago and barely ate a meal for weeks, turns out I actually AM ill and haunted huh 👻

 
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@BootstrapCook

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R to @virtmountain: I have had a total of three hours sleep over the last two nights, so seriously, your comment just made me feel a little bit less crappy about my generally undead state

Eyes: glassy, threatening tearful

Skin: shot flannel 30 secs, freezing cold one 30 secs, rinse and repeat

 
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@BootstrapCook

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R to @beakerweb: No, but their specific obsessions ARE very revealing about their own priorities and behaviours…

 
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@BootstrapCook

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R to @pedrianored: I keep it hydrated with regular sudden bouts of ugly crying, smooth by rubbing my palms over it hard in manic fits of frustration, and nice and supple by shrieking into the void! HTH 😆

 
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