I am extremely lucky because i have an amazing consultant and i know, sadly thats not the case for everyone, but I am my own worst enemy because i won't mention certain symptoms and I'll put appointments off because I'd rather not know. Its foolish and stupid- but we all have our own ways of coping and dealing with things.
I was raised in a very strict household, i had 3 sisters and my mother hated the fact she didnt have a son - i was more or less forced into being that 'son she never had'.
Looking at me, I look feminine and dainty, but I've done more than what most men have.. ( i don't know if im making any sense without doxxing more personal information) Showing any vulnerability was a sign of weakness, i wasn't even allowed to grieve for my own child. So my way of dealing with things is probably completely different to someone elses, and I find it hard to change a habit of a lifetime.
Even writing this makes me cringe and feel uncomfortable because I see it as being vulnerable and weak. I'm not at all implying that anyone is weak if they speak about their vulnerabilities- you're probably way stronger than I am.
Do you also find your brain just gives up on you too? I go to post something and I can't get my words out or put a sentence together, yet verbally I have no problem, I delete then try and reword it again.
I hope you manage to find answers too, it really sucks and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.